Quality You Can Taste

Smuggle My Meth Elmo

Shalom — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 17:28:19 +0000

So, this really isn’t big news. It’s not even anything new. However, I’m still incredibly entertained by the news that Elmo dolls have been used to smuggle crystal meth. Now I understand why mothers fistfight each other at 6AM in Toys R Us for these things.

…Stupid joke?!…Well. Ok. Ok, yeah. Yeah, you’re right. That was a terrible joke (expect to hear it in Jay Leno’s monologue tonight).

But seriously, this news story has amused me on and off all day today. I’m not exactly sure what about it makes me laugh so much, but it’s definitely not that a toy was used to smuggle drugs. It’s not that the toy was Elmo. It’s not that Elmo is a drug mule and that conjures up weird images of Elmo in a bathroom struggling to either vomit or crap out a latex glove full of meth. Well, ok, that makes me laugh a little bit too. I think what has caused the most immature giggling on my part are two pictures I’ve seen of DEA agents at a press conference accompanied by Elmo himself.

I don’t know what’s funnier to me. The fact that these very official looking men are making official statements to the press with a Sesame Street character best known for laughing like a raving lunatic, or the expression on Elmo’s face. It’s probably a mix of both.

In the first picture, it looks like Elmo is shocked and embarrassed because of how many people were there to hear the charges being brought against him, or shocked because he saw his parents in the audience, or maybe shocked because the guy behind the podium has his hand up Elmo’s ass. The second picture looks like they brought Elmo in while he was still high on something (what with the bug eyes and lack of teeth). Either that, or Elmo was locked in the most intense staring contest ever with the cameraman who took the picture. And also, the man in the center of the second picture has a look on his face that is so distinct that I can almost hear what he’s thinking as he tries to slink away and hide out of pure shame. “Dammit, Frank. I told you bringing that stupid doll for dramatic effect was a terrible idea. He just keeps laughing and yelling his name. And you wonder why no one takes us seriously?!”

Oh, Elmo. You crazy red-furred meth addict, you.

Dave Brubeck

Shalom — Sun, 27 Aug 2006 00:00:14 +0000

At a youthful 86, Dave Brubeck is still touring and playing music for audiences. If you ever have the opportunity to see him perform, I would highly suggest taking up the chance to see a musical genius/legend at work. In fact, I’d say the price of admission was worth it just to hear Mr. Brubeck tell stories and explain the origins of a certain song. I only hope that if/when I make it to his age, I am still as mentally sharp and funny. The highlight of the evening came at the encore when Dave Brubeck and his quartet played lullaby. It was almost like an entire audience being put to sleep by their grandfather.

Yet Another Blog

Shalom — Thu, 27 Jul 2006 07:22:58 +0000

So, it seems that everyone with internet access and a keyboard has their own blog. That’s right, not even a monitor is required. In fact, if you plug your keyboard directly into a phone jack and start typing, I’m certain your recap of what you did for lunch will be posted somewhere on the internet. What’s more, if I remember correctly, I already had about five or six blogs before I opened up a new account here, all of which I update every…never. I guess what I’m trying to say is that there is absolutely no reason that I should start a new blog. I already have my fair share, and the world definitely doesn’t need another person to talk about pointless celebrity gossip or share their views about international conflicts or satisfy some exhibitionist urges by writing as if they’re unaware that their personal diary is open to be read by everyone on the internet.

However, as much as I want to spare everyone from another blog in an already endless ocean of blogs, I have trouble suppressing my urge to talk aimlessly about nothing. I guess that’s why I always had “Talks too much” as a comment on my report cards from elementary school through high school. So, with that said, here’s to another blog that no one will read. Maybe I’ll make someone laugh along the way, accidentally get myself fired, or shame my entire family by posting pictures of myself doing something so embarrassing that it should never be put anywhere near a computer let alone posted online.

Assuming I don’t forget this exists or just get even more cripplingly lazy, this will be yet another place for me to say absolutely nothing in the form of run-on sentences, grammatical errors and meandering thoughts.

Hooray!